Leftism
"Stay Calm and Listen to the Mad Lefty!"
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« Reply #5220 on: October 26, 2010, 11:56:10 AM » |
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It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.  |
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"Those fucks will not save you. A knock on your door is coming." - DodgyEmu |
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Magathery
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« Reply #5221 on: October 26, 2010, 12:03:33 PM » |
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 May the Fluke be with you... |
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Lullaby
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« Reply #5222 on: October 26, 2010, 12:54:55 PM » |
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 my favorite: P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious |
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(=WDG=) Junta: sadly, I couldnt breast feed |
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #5223 on: October 26, 2010, 07:22:27 PM » |
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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Dodgy
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« Reply #5224 on: October 26, 2010, 07:30:40 PM » |
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I'll get you off in less than 12 parsecs. That doesn't make sense at all... |
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omg your minis are so aids!
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Hzza
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« Reply #5225 on: October 26, 2010, 07:32:03 PM » |
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To be fair, it didn't make sense in the film...
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Lazzars
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« Reply #5226 on: October 26, 2010, 07:40:26 PM » |
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I'll get you off in less than 12 parsecs. That doesn't make sense at all... these not the pickup lines you're looking for |
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« Last Edit: October 26, 2010, 10:27:30 PM by Lazzars »
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CruelCow
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Move along. Nobody suspicious is here.
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« Reply #5227 on: October 26, 2010, 07:42:35 PM » |
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I'll get you off in less than 12 parsecs. That doesn't make sense at all... That's what I've been telling people for lightyears! |
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Captain Valentine
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« Reply #5228 on: October 26, 2010, 08:03:52 PM » |
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He says his ship made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. If that's the case then everyone who's ever done it did it in that distance too :S
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Lazzars
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« Reply #5229 on: October 26, 2010, 08:15:07 PM » |
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He says his ship made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. If that's the case then everyone who's ever done it did it in that distance too :S
if i remember rightly the expanded universe explained that by saying it was to do with how close you could get your ship to a black hole without being sucked in, therefore han manages to make the trip as short as 12 parsecs and the falcon is a faster ship. but that's just a nerdy retcon |
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Brahms
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I'm Johannes Brahms and I died in 1897
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« Reply #5230 on: October 26, 2010, 08:32:20 PM » |
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I always thought it was a testament to the navigational abilities of whoever flies the fucking piece of shit falcon in that shitty ass film. I haven't even seen Star Wars. Who gives a fuck anyway? Seriously. Star Wars. Gimme a fucking break. I got shit to do.
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CruelCow
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Move along. Nobody suspicious is here.
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« Reply #5231 on: October 26, 2010, 08:40:48 PM » |
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You are a bad nerd!
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #5232 on: October 26, 2010, 09:49:48 PM » |
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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Lazzars
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« Reply #5233 on: October 26, 2010, 10:29:01 PM » |
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I haven't even seen Star Wars
D: i'm always surprised when you say that |
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Captain Valentine
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« Reply #5234 on: October 26, 2010, 10:32:59 PM » |
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I haven't watched Star Wars...
For at least a month.
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