Signs of comedy present in Field engineers.

October 2025

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Uzz919 (29), FlowingEye (36), Karthus (35)

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Upcoming Birthdays: Uzz919 (29), FlowingEye (36), Karthus (35)

Good morning. I'm suffering with insomnia again. So I thought I'd share this with you.

A while back my company issed a postal memo to all it's engineers informing us all, that if we were driving a VW, then it was imperative that we take steps to clean the "Particulate filter". Failure to do so would result in the driver being responsable for a large garage bill. The instructions were simple. Drive the thing at over 60mph for over 20 minuets. Then fiddle with the filter. Not a problem for me, I'm in a transit.

Anyway, an engineer by the name of Mr Sanders wrote a great little E-mail on the subject. Here's what he wrote...

Re: Volkswagen vehicle particulate filter - IMPORTANT - TEST RESULTS

It may be of interest to note that after extensive and risky trials I have found only one road on the Isle of Wight where it is possible to do 60 MPH for longer than three minutes. The length of the road includes a village and a very twisty section of road.

Driving in this manner involves turning off the traction control, as the volkswagen system simply turns off the engine when it senses enough difference in the speed of the wheels and if you are halfway through a corner and suddenly cut the power you will find the van turning around and travelling into the sea backwards.

Excited that I had found such a length of road I reset the mileage and travelled along the road finding it to be only 14 miles long. If I were to continue for the prescribed further 60 seconds at 60 miles per hour I would either have to somehow modify the van to be able to attain powered flight or accept that the whole shooting match would fall into the sea, given the height of the cliff and the wheelbase of the van this manoever would inevitably reach it's conclusion with the van upside down.

At this point all else had failed and I had to consult the manual.

The manual states that I must not only obey the laws of physics but also the road leaving me woth only 800 Yards of road where I am permitted in a panel van to travel at 60 MPH. I read on and on the very last page I found that the manual was in fact written by volkswagen in germany, where as many of you may be aware pints are served in one litre glasses and the mile has been shortened to comply with the French. I rechecked the pages concerned with the particulate filter and discovered that the British equivalent of a European 60 is over 35% less at only 38MPH! This made the whole experiment legal safe and possible within the laws of physics.

In conclusion I do not need a new van that is capable of surviving aquatic conditions as the cleaning of the particulate filter can be completed at 60 kilometres per hour. (The unit of time used remains as the old imperial hour not the metric hour which is simply a tenth of a metric day)

I hope the results of this study have not come too late for some engineers, if it has please have a safe swim home!

Perhaps this will lighten the days' mood. May I wish you all an enjoyable winter solstice and a happy bank holiday.

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