Sent to me in a recent email
INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST THREAT LEVEL RESPONSES
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats, and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed'
to 'Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised again to
'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'. The English have not been 'A Bit
Cross' since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome to 'A Bloody
Nuisance'. The last time the English issued 'A Bloody Nuisance'
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to 'Let's
Get The Bastards'. They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only 2 higher levels in France
are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender'. The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly And Excitedly'
to Elaborate Military Posturing'. 2 more levels remain: 'Ineffective
Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.
The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful
Arrogance' to 'Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs'. They also
have 2 higher levels: 'Invade A Neighbor' and 'Lose'.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive
strikes on all their allies 'just in case'.
Canada doesn't have any alert levels.
New Zealand has raised its security levels from 'baaa' to 'BAAAA'. Due
to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only 1 more level of
escalation, which is 'I Hope Australia will come and rescue us'.
Australia , meanwhile has raised its security level from 'No Worries'
to 'She'll Be Allright, Mate'. 3 more escalations levels remain:
'Crikey!', 'I Think We'll Need To Cancel The Barbie This Weekend' and
'The Barbie Is Cancelled'. So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.
I lol'd a little.
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