My Recipe For Whatever It Is I Just Cooked:
Put
Hungarian Dance No 1 by Brahms on repeat and crank it. You'll need to keep this up for the entire of the recipe, which if performed correctly will take around 2 hours.
Next dice up some garlic really really fine. Dice it like mental. Use a really sharp chef's knife. If you don't have a really sharp chef's knife you're a failure. Ask your mother to make you beans on toast because that's all you deserve.
Fry the garlic in oil. This is the only pleasant part of the recipe because fried garlic smells nice.
You should have bought Spinach in a bag, but for the purposes of this recipe, fuck up and buy spinach, rocket and watercress. Add it anyway. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Continue with the heat until all the green stuff wilts. Like your hope for the future.
Now get one part Quinoa and between seven to two parts water. One thing said seven parts water, one thing said two parts. I don't know OK? Come to terms with the fact that knowledge is finite. You cannot know ever a fraction of the possible things there are to know so just add some water.
Leave this simmering, then remember you have chickpeas and maybe you could add them to this recipe/trainwreck. Nuke the chickpeas in the microwave whilst washing your really sharp chef's knife. Tell the water to say hi to your dreams as it goes down the plug hole. Forget about the chickpeas in the microwave.
Keep the Quinoa simmering and lie down. Eventually realise you have to add the chickpeas so add them to the simmering quinoa and leave it all until the water evaporates and some of the quinoa has burned to the bottom of the pan. mix in some cherry tomatoes, feta cheese and olives. Eat alone.
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