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scroggage
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« Reply #4065 on: July 16, 2010, 06:39:43 PM » |
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Cyriak seems to have quite a thing for cows, doesn't he? Love it. |
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Dodgy
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« Reply #4067 on: July 17, 2010, 12:15:41 AM » |
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A short review of the latest Twilight movie that I found amusing: It blows. No really. It blows. It’s really sad: this movie is being touted as the best of the three movies so far and THEY MAY BE RIGHT. Man, does it ever blow.
Are you surprised? Is this a shock to anyone at all?
The movie picks up a few months after the last one left off and Bella continues to mope over her abusive, controlling boyfriend Edward. She wants more than anything to be turned into a vampire so Edward can control her forever and ever… Edward is still resisting because he doesn’t want to let her have any opinions of her own oh and also something something immortal soul…
He says he will turn her if she agrees to marry him. No shit. The only way he can find to give her what she wants is to force her to be with him forever not by turning her into his immortal companion but by signing some paperwork that says the state of Washington claims them to be man and wife.
But Bella is pretending to be conflicted because Stephenie Meyer signed a contract for FOUR books and we need some bullshit padding here, so she tries to make us think she loves the werewolf, too, because he has taut manboobs.
Edward doesn’t like that she is still friends with the werewolf because he suspects she might actually show some emotion around Jacob (he’s wrong). So he (I’m not kidding) sabotages her car to prevent her from visiting Jacob.
This was pretty much the point where I died inside. I’m dead inside now. Deader than Kristen Stewart’s eyes when she’s supposed to be expressing passion or humor or kindness or… well, anything.
After about 45 excruciating minutes, it’s obvious to the audience that Edward and Jacob are in love with each other, but neither wants to say it. The scene in the tent with the intense stares and the attempted smoldering and crummy pacing is one of the saddest scenes in the entire vampire/werewolf slash genre. But it’s not to be — Edward must have a female companion because he can’t become any more effeminate without turning into Liberace, and Jacob has a secret fetus fetish. (Oops! Don’t let me spoil the next movie!)
There is also some crap about Victoria and a big vampire army and a werewolf alliance. I don’t know. I was trying to find a Butterfinger bite that had fallen between the seats.
In the end, of course Bella picks Cedric Diggory. They’re gonna get married and have children and Jacob will have someone to love and everyone will be happy except the people who watched it.
There. I just saved you two hours of your life. You’re welcome. But we should at least examine its redeeming qualities, no?
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I’m sorry, people, I got nothing. This movie was a giant turd amongst turds.
One point of note: there was ACTUALLY an eclipse that happened on June 26. Wouldn’t it have been clever and a neat tie-in to release the movie on that date? Yeah, they released it 4 days later. Nothing about this movie or the franchise it’s tied to is clever. It’s just depressing. And it’s a shame that this movie has taken over valuable rage space in my brain. There are a whole slew of things that I think I should be more outraged about. Things I should care more about. I shouldn’t be ranting about Twilight because Twilight is a substandard, boring, piece of crap movie that doesn’t deserve the money it is printing. |
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omg your minis are so aids!
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Ringelbeatz
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« Reply #4068 on: July 17, 2010, 12:27:37 AM » |
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haters gonna hate?
I haven't watched the movies or read the books and I am scared of wasting time for that stuff.
On the other hand I "use" my time recently for sleeping in the sun or watch baseball on espn.
But Twilight has such a bad reputation that I am actually a bit scared of watching it and like said before waisting my valuable time where I can hang around doing nothing when everyone I know is at work.
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snakes were fucking themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #4069 on: July 17, 2010, 12:31:34 AM » |
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My advice is to only watch it if the end result is poontang. And it better be the best poontang on the planet. Or several average ones.
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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discordance
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« Reply #4070 on: July 17, 2010, 12:59:26 AM » |
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you should have asked for bumlove instead of star wars movies tommeh. clearly where you went wrong
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #4071 on: July 17, 2010, 01:10:18 AM » |
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I made my choice, I stand by it.
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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Zarf
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« Reply #4072 on: July 17, 2010, 01:24:38 AM » |
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haters gonna hate?
I haven't watched the movies or read the books and I am scared of wasting time for that stuff.
On the other hand I "use" my time recently for sleeping in the sun or watch baseball on espn.
But Twilight has such a bad reputation that I am actually a bit scared of watching it and like said before waisting my valuable time where I can hang around doing nothing when everyone I know is at work.
My sister said that the film is crap compared to the books, and she liked the books. I tried reading them once, couldn't manage more than a few chapters. Horrible characters, unimaginative plot, terribly written. |
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CruelCow
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Move along. Nobody suspicious is here.
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« Reply #4073 on: July 17, 2010, 01:29:30 AM » |
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I heard it's softporn for women. *shrug*
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #4074 on: July 17, 2010, 01:37:58 AM » |
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I heard their vagina's have razor sharp teeth at night they go out and prey on small animals.
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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CruelCow
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Move along. Nobody suspicious is here.
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« Reply #4075 on: July 17, 2010, 01:38:40 AM » |
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We're not talking about your fanfic cat
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Tommy the Cat
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« Reply #4076 on: July 17, 2010, 01:52:09 AM » |
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And tommy you have above average intelligence ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ＳＨＵＴ ＵＰ ＡＮＤ ＥＮＪＯＹ ＴＨＥ CＡＴ！ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ |
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mode_seven
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\o/ ^o^ o< /o\
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« Reply #4077 on: July 17, 2010, 02:25:25 AM » |
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Oh sweet lord, how much worse could that guy's life get? |
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Power: Why am I kritzed? OH GOD I killed my wife. Burnalot: I AM VERY DRINK Burnalot: I love little girls in games LoL Referral Link Thingy |
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LtMama
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Meow?
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« Reply #4078 on: July 17, 2010, 02:28:05 AM » |
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Roflmao, tbf though, that's a pretty sexy dude. I'd count it as a win
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Hzza
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« Reply #4079 on: July 17, 2010, 02:41:02 AM » |
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