I LOL'd at this one....

January 2026

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AmS (39), Haroway (40), Banrab (31), Burnalot

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Upcoming Birthdays: AmS (39), Haroway (40), Banrab (31), Burnalot

so, as part of my job as a manager, i need to handle complaints, both those in the restaurant and those emailed to us at later dates. The most serious of the allegations is food poisoning, which gets thoroughly investigated by an external company, so it's kind of a serious issue.

Anyway, as part of my training, I was being shown some of the allegations sent in and how they are dealt with. Most were pretty standard, but there was one that stood out, that had me in hysterics. took a picture of it just for my own amusement, but feel it's too good to keep to myself.
THIS A GENUINE EMAIL WE GOT

"warning: best read by someone who can handle a poo anecdote.

Hi, I had a meal at <omitted> in brighton last night, as a family we are regular diners. My wife and daughter go for the <omitted> whereas i like a big noodley soup. Yesterday I had the pork soup from the specials list. I've had it before it's always been great. We tucked in yesterday and i was a little disappointed as it was not as spicy as usual - I even left a bit which is a first. As we left I felt my stomach feel a bit funny. I could have popped to the toilet but needed to get back to the car (part of the fun of parking in brighton is the £1 for an hour, £5 for 2 hours charge).

We got back to the car park and my wife started the drive home. My stomach began to turn over and I really needed the toilet. I began to sweat as it became a race against time to get home. Every traffic light was a hazard as it delayed the journey. My wife was complaining at the noises I was making, and my daughter was getting slightly traumatised.

My wife considered driving past our turning for a laugh but pulled up outside our house. I "raced" towards the front door as much as i could "race" with the excessive clenching going on. My wife was in hysterics and I got through the front door. The sweats were getting worse, luckily we have a downstairs toilet, but the pressure was too great, at just 1 metre away a bit of poo slipped into my pants. I managed to remove my trousers but couldn't risk removing my boxers and getting poo on my work trousers. I sat on the toilet in my pants and immediately released the contents of my stomach into my pants.

It was one of the most disgusting things that has ever happened to me. I was eventually able to get my pants off and clean up, luckily having been through fatherhood I had dealt with a few nasty nappies. I had a shower and reflected on the grossness of the past few minutes. It's lucky my wife hasn't driven past our turningas we may never have been able to clean the car.

I'm afraid my love affair with <omitted> is now over, I will not be returning.

Paul"

fyi, it was investigated and it wasn't anything caused by us. Also, the senior management found it so funny they sent him a voucher for £50 ^_^

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